Here’s what I’ve come to learn, and this might sting a bit: Though you love to push against the status quo in terms of the big systems and beliefs, and are meant for something wild and different, when it comes to your embodied, lived experience and human relationships, you still tend to be an over-achieving people pleaser.
In other words: a ‘Good Girl’.
I know you might be feeling some resistance right about now; I know I sure did.
“A Good Girl? Ugh, how boring and banal.”
But when I looked at my life, I could no longer deny it. I had shitty boundaries. A tendency to overgive. A desire to be liked. A hard time saying ‘no’. I was a bit of a chameleon, changing my colors based upon who I was around.
But as a “father’s daughter”, my good girl tendencies had flown under the radar for most of my life. I just thought I was someone who was efficient and got things done and who succeeded at what I put my mind to. I never stopped to consider whether the goals that I was pursuing were truly my own, and that was a form of pleasing as well.
I saw that the old life I had been dropping like a hot potato was the result of a whole host of choices that I had made. And I saw that those choices were not based on my true soul desires.
Rather, most of my choices were about meeting someone else’s expectations, meeting someone else’s needs (even if that meant negating my own needs and desires to do what was expected), being liked, respected and seen as good by other people or proving my worth to other people (e.g. my parents, spouse, friends, or the culture at large). You see the pattern here. If you are like me, you’ve made your life choices based on how they would look to other people.